If you’re like me, your piece is a comrade, a loyal companion, your Patsy. When I bought my first bong, Lexar Thunderball Whitlock, the nice lady at the smoke shop drew a baby face on the brown bags that concealed my paraphernalia. She must have known what it was like to hold a newborn bong. In time, you begin to think maybe naming it is a bit much. But then your roommate kicks it over and you can’t tell if the resonating crack is from the downstem or your heart. Still too poetic, but you grow to love your fellowship, and choosing the right members is important.
But picking the right piece can be a tricky thing if you don’t know your options. They come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and prices. So before you hand over $120 for a piece of shit, educate yourself a bit about what’s out there.
This is the first post in a series of Piece Guides, where you’ll get to know these babies inside and out. I’ll bust out my Mother Goose and provide you with healthy alternatives. But I understand apple slices aren’t for everyone, so we’ll talk about the lung busters too.
The Pipe
Let’s get started with the most primeval modes of consuming marijuana: the pipe. This piece is characterized by its simplicity, making it the most MacGyver-able of all pipe breeds; soda cans, fruits, toilet paper rolls, &c…with enough skill, simple household objects can be quickly converted into crappy pipes. Some get pretty hefty and large, but most are conveniently fun-sized, making them great for travel, hiking, and really anywhere that isn’t home.
Parts of the Pipe
A) Grip/Stabilizer – No one really knows the intended purpose of this little side ball, but it makes ergonomic sense that this is a fancy thumb rest. Others hypothesize it helps prevent the pipe from rolling away to its demise. Also fair. Whatever reason it was put there, its function is minimal.
B) Mouthpiece – You guessed it: this is where you place your face and inhale.
C) “Carb” or (Carburator) – Thumb is placed here while the marijuana burns, then it is removed to release the smoke from the chamber into your body. When left uncovered, the marijuana will essentially stop burning. Think of it as an off/off switch.
D) Bowl – The sacred herb hearth. Put your cannabis here and flame it.
Experience
If you care about the taste of your weed, a standard pipe isn’t your optimal choice. The smoke it produces is very harsh, and there are no filters between the pipe and your lungs. So beginners: be prepared for a scorched taste and a coughing fit. But once that’s over with, you’ll have a nice, concentrated high in your noggin.
Cost
Quite possibly the #1 reason to buy a pipe: they’re cheap! Walk into any hole-in-the-wall smoke shop and you’ll find a pipe you can afford. Hell, you don’t even need money; just cut some holes in an apple. Your creativity will pay off in no time. But many of the high-end shops with jaw-dropping glasswork (and bullshit “specialty brands”) will have you pay quite a bit for even a basic pipe.
But that’s the nice thing about pipes. You can pay nothing, a couple hundred dollars, or anywhere in between. The pipe in the diagram above was purchased at a small smoke shop for $8.00, for example. Not to be confused with this one to the right, which is not $8.00 at all.
Health
They may be cheap as shit, but heavy smokers end up paying for it with their respiratory health. Unlike bongs and water pipes which use water to cool and filter smoke, pipes make you inhale just about everything, including the occasional Scooby Snacks (bits of charred pot). Pipes are one step above paper-wrapped such as blunts and joints, because at least there are no additional byproducts with glass.
While pipes are convenient and portable, they shouldn’t be your daily go-to guys. Invest in something better for at home, and definitely keep a basic pipe off-hand for travel or as backup in case (God forbid) your bong breaks.
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